Unveiling the Power of Manuals: A Guide for Physician-Moms to Navigate Relationships with Clarity and Confidence

In the whirlwind of our daily lives, we often find ourselves navigating through a myriad of expectations, both from ourselves and from others.

These expectations, often unconscious, shape the way we interact with the world around us.

They're what we call "manuals" – internal guidelines dictating how we believe others should behave. Let's dive deeper into this concept of manuals and how they impact our relationships, both at home and at work.

Understanding Manuals:

Picture this: you arrive home after a long day at work, hoping for a warm embrace from your spouse and a chance to unwind. But what happens when your expectations aren't met? When your spouse doesn't greet you with the enthusiasm you anticipated? That feeling of disappointment or frustration stems from our manuals.

Manuals are essentially the unwritten rules we have for how others should act, talk, and behave.

They're deeply ingrained beliefs that often go unnoticed until they clash with someone else's manuals.

For example, you might have a manual for your husband that he should initiate conversation about your day or take charge of certain household tasks. Or perhaps you have manuals for your kids, your boss, or even your parents – each outlining your expectations of their behavior.

The Power of Release:

But here's the kicker: when others fail to meet our expectations, we mistakenly attribute our negative emotions to their actions. We feel disrespected or invalidated, falsely concluding that they're the cause of our discomfort.

Releasing our manuals is the key to emotional freedom. It means letting go of the notion that others must behave a certain way for us to feel okay. Instead, we can maintain our values while dropping expectations of others. Acceptance is crucial here – acknowledging that everyone operates from their own manuals and allowing them to behave as they will without letting it affect our emotional state.

Navigating Conflict:

Conflicts often arise when our manuals clash with those of others. For instance, consider a common scenario with your spouse – perhaps disagreements over household chores or communication styles. By understanding each other's manuals and communicating openly, you can navigate these conflicts with greater clarity and empathy.

A Personal Journey:

Let me share a personal anecdote. My husband and I often found ourselves at odds over something seemingly trivial – parking in the garage. He installed light sensors to guide parking, while I preferred to go a little further for extra space. What seemed like a small disagreement actually stemmed from our differing manuals – his emphasizing respect for space and mine minimizing the issue. Recognizing this allowed us to address the underlying source of tension and find common ground, even a little humor and lightness in our seemingly small battle that had deeper roots.

Reflection and Action:

Now, I invite you to reflect on your own manuals. What expectations do you hold for the people in your life, and why? Take some time to journal your thoughts and feelings, exploring how your manuals influence your relationships.

Consider these questions:

• What manuals do you have for others in your life, and why?

• How do you feel when these expectations aren't met, and what thoughts drive those emotions?

• Can you identify any recurring patterns or conflicts arising from your manuals

Embrace the Journey:

As you embark on this journey of self-discovery, remember that awareness is the first step towards change. By recognizing and understanding your manuals, you can reclaim your emotional autonomy and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

I challenge you to notice and name three manuals you have for people in your life this week. Observe how this newfound awareness shifts your perspective and empowers you to navigate relationships with greater ease. If you found value in this discussion, I encourage you to share it with someone, and engage in conversations about your insights and discoveries.

Closing Thoughts:

Remember, you're worthy of living vibrantly – in both your personal and professional life.

Stay tuned for more empowering blog posts here, or listen in to my podcast, Vibrant Humans, where I release a new episode every Wednesday - I try to keep them between 15-20 minutes long, and I share super valuable insights I’ve gleaned, and the tools and strategies to help you thrive in every aspect of life.

Until next time, take good care of yourselves, and embrace the journey of self-discovery.

With warmth and empowerment,

Sarah

P.S. Exciting news! I'm opening up a few 1:1 coaching spots for new clients!! If you're a busy working physician & mom ready to unlock your full potential and live vibrantly, reach out to me! Send me a DM on LinkedIn, or book a connection call with me at https://calendly.com/sarahannewittry/1-1-coaching-session